My room

Christmas Program x church

Pickup pt.1

Party pt. 2

Party pt. 1

Moar Mudkipz?!

MOAR, and very first shots from the d40 I took. Yay.

COP.

Late, lateeeerrr than late,

but as you can already tell,
I copped a d40.

Weekend fun

Thanksgiving dinner w/ the youth was good.
Although I was a little shaky about it at first, I pulled through at the end.
It was pretty fun,

finally met Angelica! =)
Partner in crime.

Today, I jogged but then caught up with Kababayan and chilled with them and MP kids too.

Went home, talked to Ashley.
I loooove our talks.

Sorry

I'm not nearly as poetic as I need to be
To express, explain, or demonstrate what you mean to me.
You're a golden ocean on a shore of bright, white sand.
I can feel your waves around me take me by the hand.
You're all in the sand.

And I'll wait till forever is through
Whether or not you love me, I'll be loving you.
I'll wait till forever is through
Whether or not you love me, I'll be loving you. I'll be loving you.

In a complicated world, you bring simplicity.
'Cause when everybody's talking, you're just listening.
I've dreamed a thousand dreams and still, nothing compares
To the feeling that you give while you're standing here.
I don't care if it's fair.

I'll wait till forever is through
Whether or not you love me, I'll be loving you.
And I'll wait till forever is through
Whether or not you love me, I'll be loving you. I'll be loving you.
Yeahhh

Another day, another dollar
Another day to find the answer
Oh, how long will I have her here in my arms?

Oh, I...
I'll wait
Hey 'ey
Ey ey, ey eyyy..
And I'll wait till forever is through
Whether or not you love me, I'll be loving you. Yeah.
I'll wait till forever is through
Whether or not you love me, I'll be loving you. I'll be loving you.

Bored

Disregard my olddddd
previous post.

Love ain't so bad,
just not for me right now

Theres a cutie I'm talking to
but I really really am trying not to make it serious this time

Or fear I get another.. "accident" -__-
School tomorrow,

I really don't want to go.
Got to get my grades up too, Jesus.
All my grades are on borderline to a better letter,

but Idk whats holding me back.
UGH. I want all A's.

I miss my friends
and I gotta save up some cash for my huge ass shopping list before christmas sells out everything

Peace

Its

Over.

Love = A joke,


peace out

Ugh

Where have you been lately?
You've stopped replying.
Stopped calling.

Stop talking to me completely,
when it seemed like only a short while ago
we were having a great time;

I really do wish there was something you can tell me,
but really, what is there to say?
I know you're avoiding me,
and I know I've been so clingy and shit lately.
but what can I do?

You make me happy; You're not on my top for any old reason,
each person means a lot to me there, NO ORDER THOUGH.
each one of you are important and keys in my life, so I couldn't
possibly compare you to anyone else.

why don't you seem to care anymore?
is it school?
is it drama?
is it friends?
is it things from your past..?

I don't even really know.
But I told you I'd be here for you no matter what,
whether you want to accept the offer or not.

Get this straight.

I like you. A lot.
I wouldn't be wasting so much time
if you only realized how much I was seriously
trying to make this work; I'm trying to think this through,

I'm trying not to assume the worst.
But I always keep thinking that
theres someone else that might be out there
Thats taking you from me.

Why?
Am I not good enough?
Is it cause I'm too far away?
Why don't you realize that I'm trying even harder than ever now
because of such things?

Its like you don't even mean the things you've said to me before.
Just let me know you still think I exist.

-You know who you are.

Pre SF + Bonfire

Today I'm gonna go out to SF for a bonfire my youth is hosting.
Anyone down? Go to Ocean Beach 3-10, it'll be fun.

For the most part though, I'm excited.
I need craazyy money though
because I was thinking about copping

something from THSF or HUF before we go there.
Oh well. Theres nothing much I can do other than that.


I've been posting a lot on ISS lately,
Still mad that Linda's with ____e,
but thats all good!

I need to talk to Christina.
and Jessica.
and you too.

Leaving at 2, hahaha
this is starting to sound more like
a myspace bulletin than a blog post,

peace

So long

Another late blog entry,
I need to make a note to start posting a lot more often.

I've been talking about it for a while,
And I think that I'm going to save up to get a DSLR camera
to get started on picture-blogging as well,
because text all the time is just boringgggg.

I haven't posted here in a while, huh?
But it'll get better, I know it will.

Other than that,
school has been killer.
My grades SUCK right now,

really badly,
and the only grade that is looking even a little nice
for me right now is the class I least expected-
math.

Bhatnagar failed almost last year,
but I passed recovery on the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL,
dang.

But as long as I passed right?
They moved me back into geometry though. -_-
So here I am again. ANOTHER YEAR OF IT.

At least my teacher is someone I can understand
who can actually pay attention.
I don't like where I sit though, or the class
in general really. If the teacher is alright though
and I have a good grade in the class, I don't care about that then.

Sooo I hecka miss you know who.
We kind of got into some sort of in an argument,
and I regret blowing up on her.

My stomach hurts.

Today

Was a good day.

I enjoyed it fairly well today,
not too cold not too hot,
did all my hw and I was really happy
with the way things ended up today.

Its probably my 6th time replaying
that voicemail.

Thanks, seriously.
It makes me smile
like the first time i've smiled
every time I hear your voice again. (:

Bah!

Hella emo blogs lately?!

Lmao lmao,
Sa'll good,
but once I have something
better to talk about/do,

I'll let you guys know!
But who actually reads this stuff..?

Oh well, sa'll good HAHA.
Today I went to church,

pretty chill,
But I kinda spaced out a little )=
I couldn't get my mind off
of the voicemail Angel left me.

UGHH! Missed her by 10 minutes.
Next time babe, I promise.

I went to red lobster with the family
for my dad's birthday today.

I was about to take pics during dinner
but my clumsyness dropped the camera
and now the lens is jammed.
YAY ME. ):


I still need to do my spanish + biology hw.
Wooo school.

Actually,

This month has been honestly
the worst month this year.
It feels like I've just been

through so much.
It really sucks!
I just wanted this month
to be a time for
my birthday,
a time for school,
a time for friends,
and a time for church.

I did get all of those, but I got the consequences of them too.

someone, who still shall be unnamed, started talking to me again today.
I was really happy she was able to talk to me,
oh how I thought she forgot me!
alas, we had to stop.
I took a shower,
cousins were over.

we played wii for a while,
then i went back to check ISS.

Got me some sb laces pending,
and I got 2 pairs of 511's from my mom today! Thank you mom.

I got $50 from my grandma, but I feel hella bad that I forgot to say thank you.
I really do want to start changing the way I am with my family,
but right now
that seems like the last thing I can do.

I feel like I've been losing friends,
and it also feels like I'm gaining stress.
So much school work and pressure on me.
Its starting to get so serious,
I want to do good.

If I can be honest,
I feel like eating. A lot.
A lot a lot.


I'm sick of this right now.
Being jealous
and
broke
and
having no friends is a real drag, eh?

Argh, such irregular posts

Soo
this month so far
has been pretty uneventful

But its all good.
I got pissed off by certain people but its okay

Forgive and forget right?
And I DO mean forget, especially you.

Anyways, schools been pretty regular,
keeping up that hw pace,
and getting them grades,
my birthday is in a few hours.

The only thing I have to complain about is that its on such a common day,
a tuesday at that matter!
Oh well, I can't CHANGE time and space for my own purposes, lawl.
Sooo I've been shopping like crazy on ISS and NikeSB;
getting that sneaker heat and clothes,

mostly clothes though lol.
I am hoping to pick up
a stussy + 10deep hoodie
my triumvir and team.ailyn shirt
some reverb and evisu denims,
and HOPEFULLY some donatellos if my mom isn't so anal about "OMG WORN ONCE? NO WAYYY". -_- its vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvnds, ma. AND its cheap. just let me have it haha, its my birthday jeez.

going to a study hall fellowship w/ the youth tomorrow also,
I want to celebrate my birthday on a weekend, not tomorrow haha!

so many things I want,
but honestly?

I'm only wishing for ONE thing, or should I say person this year.
only one.

Her.

Recap,

These last few days have been pretty crazy,
but worth it.

The first week of school is over,
and the 3-day weekend is in progress!
I had a lot of fun today going to the
twin's party,

happy birthday ashley+nicole.
It was good getting to see all my old friends + the youth
from all over; I thought I was never going to see them
with this much hw piling up! Oh wells, thats why i'm thankful
for this 3-day weekend in the first place!

I saw Morgan after heckaaa long! Good to see you girl,
along w/ Leslie who I pretended I didn't remember HAHAH,
not to mention Charlene who was too cool for me!

Leslie was mad that my food was better than hers.
Charlene liked her lasagna,
Morgan was w/her bf!
Anyways, good food, great company,
great company, better experience.

I was getting hecka worried after the dinner,
because I drove to the restaurant, but had to give the car
back to my uncle because he had to go home w/ my brother + my cousin.
So basically, they had + 1 person to get in the car with!
Haha, rode in the car w/ Mark Chrishel and Stephen,
Paolo + Kuya Bryan driving.

Chrishel puts the phone to my ear all of a sudden,
I hear a way too familiar yell at me.
"JEEFFREEEYYY." Lala's voice goes,
worried + scary sounding at the same time,
I kept saying "uh huh idk" and all that
because I was too tired + full from the food,
so eventually I gave it back to Chrishel and they talked.

Finally, we arrive at the twin's house!
Everyone is starting to show up, but before they could
I grabbed the guitar, and starting freestyling/sessioning with
Stephen and Mark.

It was fun, and Charlene watched us like all focused like. HAHA
Soooon we came down to go stay in the living room area,
when Leslie + Morgan came too!

Mark moved down as well, and he started freestyle singing to
my beat, J.Holiday's "Suffocate" on acoustic guitar.
Pretty fun pretty fun, but it was only until everyone get
settled that the good times were rollin by.

Me, Morgan, and Leslie all went back up to sit on the couch,
when Morgan asked me what songs could I play on guitar.
I said idk and just played whatever,
till finally they said "Can you play I'm Yours?"
Then there I went, strumming Jason Mraz inspired.
She pressed the button on her camera and me,
her, and Leslie all started singing randomly and goofy. x]

The 'serious' take was then put into another goofy one
when Nicole came up and started making noise,
DANG MY BAD NICOLE !

haha,
after much of that,
I remember Leslie played piano, and sang her
birthday song for the twins,

and everyone was swooning,
especially me! All tearing up LOL
when it isn't even for me!

We went down to go Karaoke and go Magic Mic,
it was fun, afterwards
they called us to go outside in the backyard to sing happy birthday to the twins
and cut the cake!

I was bg music for everyone when there was words of encouragement
time, and speeches for the twins.

Going back inside the house me + morgan + leslie went to go sing some more,
then everyone was starting to leave from Pittsburgh church.
Bye DBC!

As we waved goodbye, Kuya B came up and started talking to Morgan and Leslie after I told him that they wanted to start being active in LBFC, going to Youth Hour, and church, and going
to camp events like Tsunami and GFFC! When he heard all that,
he started talking to them alone, when I went to go down and play guitar some more.

When I went back up, they pulled me.
"Help!"
"With what?"
"Whats a testimony?"

And here i'm like o.o; still shocked from the pulling..
"I don't care how stupid it is, just help us! We're desperate."
"He wants us to do one this Friday! And he wants us to sing!"

I'm excited!
Leslie and Morgan
got more into church because of this,
so I should be pretty happy.

I knew them both waaay before the twins did,
but I was glad that they got to come anyways-
I think it was planned to be this way..

(: Sweet.
Haha.

Today was one of the few good days I've had in a while.
Got 3 new hats today,
Got 2 new youth house buddies,
Got 1 whole day of fun.

Wouldn't asked for it to be any other way.

Ready.

So summer is officially coming to a close,
school is coming up.
I've been through lots of changing and
self reflection time, and I think I'm starting to see
where I am, and where I want to be.

I met a girl some time back, and I liked her very very dearly,
she meant a lot to me and she was everything I could want,
and still is.
I miss her very dearly, but I'm afraid that we can only be friends.
I was too blind, and too caught up in the moment to see what
I've been missing the things going on all around me-
but all these are nobodys fault but mine.

Real talk. I feel like I've been put on a roller coaster!
I was psyched, getting on this ride. How amazing it would feel.
Up and up I went, even though some bumps made me feel like I wanted to get off,
but then I thought to myself, "No. Its worth it." and so I kept pushing forward,
until I finally got to the very peak- the high, where everything just stopped;
I looked at everything behind and below me, what I went through to get to that point.

I learned to appreciate things more this summer.

I realized she liked someone else, and I am probably just being third wheel status haha.
Then, there goes my roller coaster example: when the ride goes down, and I feel as though
I'm about to fall off and never come back. But there I am:

Still breathing. Still alive, still awake-
Its been a good summer! I finally get to take that seriously now.
This coaster is coming to its close, where it stops and I get let off of it, so that the next guy can get on it.
Who knows? Maybe that guy will be lucky, and the ride won't stop for him..

If you're reading this: Thanks. I'm alright that it turned out this way, either way- I still care about you and I still want you to know that nothing changed. I still miss you very dearly.

I shouldn't be too sad about this, theres probably someone out there for me,
or maybe it just wasn't our time yet. We'll see.


Now that its out of the way I can focus on school hopefully.

you are seriously everything i could ever want. why can't i ever be good enough for you?..

Ugh

Today really sucked.
I woke up at around 1:35-2:00,
and even then I still wanted to sleep.

I had Cap'n Crunch when it was time for lunch,
Hot dogs when it was time for dinner, and thenn
I was eating steak when it was time for breakfast.

Messed up sleeping patterns ftl.
I guess today doesnt really count as a day,
seeing as nothing happened.

I really miss Angelic,
she's really getting to me. I thought I would be cool with it, but I hella hate not seeing her or talking to her. I feel stupid blogging about her, instead of confronting her about it,
but what am I gonna do? It's not like I can do anything about it. Ugh, love stinks for me right now.
Why is it that I always seem to find what I'm looking for when it's not available to me? How even though I try my very hardest and don't trip when things get hard, it STILL doesn't happen to work out for me.

Baby girl, you're getting cuter by the second! I really miss you. I know I should just let God's will be the judge of when I get to see you, get to talk to you. I'm sorry for tripping out on every little detail that seems to become an obstacle in me getting to talk to you, but that shouldn't hinder me. I wanna be your better man, though I might not be your first man. I wanna be the guy that waits for you above all others, who claim to say they would. I wanna be the one that puts a smile in your HEART after we talk, and not just some guy who will say sweet things to make you have a smile on your face. Miss you, miss you, miss you. Call me a fool, but you got me hecka sprung. Thanks, for everything.



Vent blogs are pitiful.
-jeff

Crazy

I woke up early today.
Well I felt in the blogging mood,

I had an all-night conversation with
Grace Stephanie Ouiuan. She made me get hecka
butterflies, haha (: We spent all night talking about
camp and tsunami and all these things.
Like how we have GFFC here,
she has Soul Anchor over there,
its crazy. While we have like, 60, 70, 80 people from camp,
she told me over at SA they get like 100-200 people! CRAZY, LOL.

I'm going to the youth rally later on,
hopefully get to talk to G.S. ;D
I still need to get my haircut and get my eye exam cause I need glasses.

STILL NEED TO DO SHOPPING TOO!
-dividers.
-notebooks.
-more lead.
-clothes.
-nature's valley granola bars (: to eat at break and whatnot,
-my half cabs

I'll keep those in mind while I finish
on my EP Album,


That is all.
-jeff

Refer to #4 of my Last Blog.

1. Jackie
2. Jezza
3. Lucia
4. Erika
5. Cynthia
6. Vboo
7. Angelic
8. Jessica
9. Hillary
10. Janine
11. Angela
12. Kathy
13. Cindy
    

IN NO ORDER,
Shoutouts to you girls.
You guys made summer what summer is all about:Friends, Fun, Fun/Friends.

Ah, #7. A lucky number, or rather..I'm lucky to even HAVE #7.
It was crazy though,
It was last year, 2007.
On July. That we first started talking on myspace..
Her first comment she left me was at 2:57.
2+5 = 7,
7 7!
July 25, 2007.
2+5 = 7,

7-7-7.
Crazy, right?
And she left me exactly 7 comments on our first conversation together,
And we were both 14 at that time,
half of 14 is 7.

Maybe I'm just looking for ways to find a 7 in our lives, but then.
I guess..its not just coincidence, 7 truly is a lucky number for me, at least.
I met Angelic Joy Castillo with pure luck,
and it is that same pure luck that still lets me talk to her today.
I miss her very dearly, and I hope that she one day realize that.

I call her every night, leaving her voicemails telling her to have a good day at school,
and to rest up. Maybe I'm asking for too much when I want a call back, because its not everyday someone like me can get a phone call from an Angel like her.

I seriously freaking miss you. This picture is just so perfect for you, perfect to me,
perfect for us. You might have a guy right now. I don't know that. You might be seeing someone,
and you are probably very happy with him. Things are so complicated for you and I can't seem to make things any more easier for you. I honestly, miss you more than anyone else right now.
Angel, why can't we promise each other these things..? I've been praying that you can come talk to me. We got so many things to talk about. If you're reading this, I'm waiting for you.

Woah,

Only a week and a half left of summer left,
before school starts, before another hectic, chaos induced nightmare
becomes manifested in me.

I can say I had a lot of personal self reflection time this summer,
I'm starting to finally..grow up.
To be honest, my biggest fear is not death
or public speaking, but it is actually the fear of growing up.

As I lay awake in bed,
[FACT: Did you know you're supposed to stay in bed awake for at least 15 min to be mentally healthy? -Mr.Cheli told me that]

I had constant thoughts in my head, fantasies of how I'd be as an adult,
sharing my apartment with Jessica, and driving off to work in my fantasy car:
[Dream: 2008 Subaru Impreza WRX 5-door]
[The probably Reality: Family 2003/2004 Toyota Camry]

Haha. Oh well, at least I'd have a car to drive around,
I've had a lot of learning experiences too,
I can say I've matured since last year.
Last summer I had juvenile thoughts.

Now, Thats the least of my worries? Wow, I really am growing up, dang haha.

TO DO/BUY LIST[Remaining of 08]

1. -Write songs for her, get someone to help me record
2. -Finish working on Soompi fanfics(LTLOALG, MD'sG)
3. -Start learning piano and drums again
4. -KIT/Get back in touch with old friends
5. -Make new friends
6. - Cop at least 5 HUF Hats
7. -Give old clothes to charity/send home
8. -Simplify room
9. -Get back into drawing
10. -START Manga/comic [refer to 9]
11. -Repair old shoes, send home
12. -Improve singing
13. -Maintain grades
14. -Get to know the faith a little more
15. -Share my favorite bible book[Ephesians] to her
16. -Finally get to see her again.
17. -When I see her, serenade her, [refer to 1]
18. -Make her realize I'm realize I'm worth remembering.
19. -No drama.
20. -Most importantly, find my calling. I got two more years left to find out.

I have one hell of a school year ahead of me. Time to do work son.
I'm going to work hard, play hard, and love hard.
True, theres time for fun in between, but anything in work with it is going to have to be all out!
Good luck to all my
Do-workers of the future.
I'll see you guys at the finish line.
-Jeff

AHOY!

Dang, sorry for no posts lately,
I guess you can say it's been a busy month!
My cousins from Canada has been staying in my house
for the week, getting the taste of Cali + the bay in general.
Ahhh,

LOL TBH, I'm glad they're here! Aside from family catch up and stuff,
I haven't been able to get out of the house, and I thought I wouldn't be able to
go anywhere for the rest of my summer vacation.
I WAS WRONG.
So far this week:
Monday: All-nighter, my parents preparing for their arrival.
Tuesday: Another all-nighter, they arrive at around 2:00AM coming from Vegas.
Wednesday: Stay home playing GH3 and Rock Band with them, chill day.
Thursday: We go to SF, shopping at H&M, and TH. Yeeee! Rep it.
Friday: We go to SC, Beach Boardwalk. Ride Giant Dipper hecka times! My face, priceless.
Saturday: Flea Market, yeee boy, who cares?! Haha, had hecka good bbq.
Sunday: Who knows? They leaving tonight, awh ):

Seriously, the most sleep I've getting each day is around 3-4, with school coming up,
I'm seriously out of shape! These next 2-ish weeks I gotta go all out with my training,
make sure I'm in shape before school starts!

Gotta get my haircut, my eye exam for my prescription glasses, shave.. LMAO. Only mustache, no beard please :D I'm waiting for my beard to reach Gabe Bondoc Status.



Oh yeah. Sexyman LOL

Camp.

Camp was a pretty great experience for me.
I had my doubts about going at the last moments,
but I'm glad I did. It made me pretty confident again,
and it made my soul feel a lot more at ease.

I was in blue team.
I had
Maureen,
Justin,
Mark,
Vianny,
Sonia,
Terrick,
Gee,
Josh G,
Ashley,
Stacy,
and Jonah!
My counselors were Ate Miriam and Josh S.
All in my team!
At first I wasnt so sure of all the matchups,
but it was okay because I made friends with everyone I didnt know.

For 5 days I was experiencing bug bites, dirt all over my clothes, and itchiness.

But, also for 5 days I also was experiencing things that made me look inside my life, and how I need to become a better person.

I can say that through all the games, competition, skits, talent show, worship, 6:30AM workouts, YA-WEI's, and altar calls-
Its something I wouldn't forget.

I thank someone in particular from my team who kept me smiling all camp..
even though she stopped talking to me around day 3, its okay. (:
She made me hecka happy those days we did hang out.

Sorry for lack of update,

I've had a lot on my mind lately.
I guess I can say, that this month, and last?
I changed a lot from there on.
I lost a lot of friends, gained a lot of friends.
I lost a lot of what I thought I was,
Gaining only to find out what I really am as a person.

I know that I am one that tries their best to make their loved ones happy.
At times, however, I feel this is also my biggest weakness-
because I am willing to do whatever it takes to get the person to smile,
even though you might not be smiling yourself.
I guess either I'm selfish in that person's perspective,
or selfless in a view that isn't my own.
Either way, I am very confused.

I like her, and I wish to be close with her.
May it just be another 'pretty girl' crush or it might be my real feelings exposed,
I'm not going to let this one pass me by.
I am trying my hardest to make sure that she doesn't leave me like the others did.

To lose her would be another thing torn from me, one of just far too many I can never replace back. I don't want all this time I spent on her to be wasted for nothing, so I'll make sure something does happen between us. It's a promise.

I'll be taking a trip Saturday from Wednesday,
I need to find out who I am as a person.
If my priorities are in the right places,
and If I really am fit to be right for her.

Whatever it takes then,
I'll make sure I'll be a boy she'll be proud to show her parents,
"Mom, dad, this is your future son-in-law."

SIKE! Hahaha, oh how I am a wishful thinker.
-jeff

It's been a while, real talk

I guess that I have a lot to be thankful for.
For Almost 15 whole years of my life,
My life has been really great,
and I haven't realized that.
To ask for anything more than a bed, food, family and friends,
would just be plain spoiled bratty attitude to me.
I don't want to be a hypocrite though, because I did more of that and more.

I can remember enjoying pokemon.
So much I'd yell and scream and cry at my mom even when she was sick in bed when my dad was working, driving to Costco to buy the Video tape, and watch it in my room by myself, and leave her sick and not take care of her.

I can remember enjoying nintendo 64.
So much I can't remember how many times I've missed birthday parties, gatherings, and just spending family time with my relatives to get to unlock the next ???? mini-game on Mario Party.
I can remember enjoying stuffing my face.
So much I would cheat out my parents on their share of dinner, in order to satisfy my fatty needs. I feel hella bad, probably the worse knowing that there is lot of people who don't have a lot to go around, let alone a family to eat a dinner with.
I hate that I'm so ungrateful for a lot of things given to me, even if its something small, always thank your parents. A lot of parents gone through hell and back, doing their best to make a living for their kids.

I can't help but feel horrible when people say they hate their parents.
They do so much for us, and we hardly give them anything.
I point fingers at other kids, but then..when I look at myself, probably the worse out of all of them.

They cook for me, without even me asking.
They clean my room, without even me asking.
They do my laundry, without even me asking.
They do every single FUCKING THING IN THE HOUSE, without even me asking.
And where am I? In this room, being too much of a fool even posting up this blog at 1:30 in the morning, not even helping them out in the least.
I promise you guys, once I get my job and I make money,
I'll start paying you back 15 years worth of rent.

I'm not gonna be a kid that just drops and forgets about their parents like others do when they grow up,
I'm going to be someone they can finally say is their son.
The last time I was called 'their son' was 8 years ago,
In 2nd grade.
It might be another 80 before that chance will happen again,
But I swear it that I'm going to make it up to them.

Even if I gotta go through hell and back for every day I put them through.
It's worth it when you got parents that care about you.

Today was an off day for me.

Today I was thinking I was going to enjoy a day in the park!
Well I did,
Got to see everyone from camp again.
All the churches!
And then I saw someone else from camp,
I wasn't too stressed about it, but then
I kept getting calls from everyone!
They kept telling me to go shopping with them!
She said hi, but then I guess it was my fault the first time I was kinda blowing her off to talk to my friends on the phone who called me haha.

The whole day though I felt like my forehead was itching like crazy,
like. Not like, lice-status or anything eww! But like, it feels like its burning when I touch it,
Like it was a rash. I checked in the bathrooms[hecka clean] and my forehead really was red.
I poured ice water on it, but I think that might've made it worse LOL.

There was fresh grilled bbq stuff, but I threw it all up
Cause of my diet I've been keeping on,
+ my conditioning for my running,
messed up my knee during my workout the day before,
so I couldn't play basketball[and no shoes!]

I was totally blown off x10 by some girl.
Hecka after-party drama, but I guess we worked it out.
I'm going to make it up to her cause I guess I started the fight,
so yeahh. I'm hopefully going to give her her present at camp.
That is, if I even GO to camp.

My head still itches.

-jeff

2:07 in the morning.

Right now, I'm guessing you can all say I'm pretty miserable sounding right now.
I guess I can say I am,
But I wouldn't say I'm totally going to die, haha.

I've found ways to get my mind off it.
-Picnic later today! [get to see all my GFFC friends]
-Guitar it up
-Maybe get to call Gel

Hahaha, oh boy. That Angelic never calls me back.
It's okay, I know you're probably busy dear, it's all good.

I just want to apologize to you guys again for having to sit through and read my long ass vent/story/complaints blog from yesterday.

It really hit me, but I learned that I had to grow to get over it,
Suprisingly, my make-up teacher helped me realize that today,
Even though he's only our teacher until 10:00 every morning,
then our teacher teaches us.

He said something I really should start focusing on,
"You all are so fortunate to have the clothes on your backs, the food in your mouths, the water that you drink, and you don't have to worry about a thing, much less than the ones who gave you those things"

It made me realize. I have to thank my parents for every little thing they do.
If you guys ever read this, I'm sorry that I've probably been the most spoiled child in the world, and showing the most bratty spoiled brat attitude that's ever been dealt with.

I'm sorry I shut you guys out when I really should be telling you all about myself,
I'm sorry I can't connect to you guys as well as I used to.
I'm sorry that the little spelling-bee winning, straight a, favorite student kid you used to love having around disappeared, I really am sorry.

Angelic,
You're one of my true friends. We haven't talked as much as your other friends,
but I have to say, you're down to earth and I'm sorry if it seems like I put you down
because you don't have time for me. I should be apologizing to you, not you to me.
If its any consolation, I just want you to know that I totally love and appreciate you,
and that I hope I never lose you as a friend!

That doesn't mean you can stop calling me though, hahaha jk. Only if you want to.

I love you all
-jeff

A Reminder to the Love

Don't take the ones you love in vain.
Really.

I just learned that today, and boy, does it hurt a lot.
I happen to know a girl. Her name is Jessica. Jessica Kim.
And let me tell you something about Jessica Kim.
She's the greatest thing thats ever happened to me.
Nothing will ever be able to replace her.
For probably, a year and half, even though we've have on's and off's.
Nothing will ever replace her.
Jessica...fucking....Kim.

Where would I be without her? I'll tell you where.
Right now, Let's see.. I'm about to go into the 10th grade.
She's been with me since..probably the middle of 7th, 8th grade? Haha
I don't even really remember the true date. Time flies when you feel like you've known the person for so much longer.

We started talking on myspace.
Typical, right? How everyone gets their first friends from myspace.
No Life? Hahaha, you'd be suprised the friends you can truly make on myspace.
I honestly can say that she was my first friend.

I remember the first comment she sent me..

Jul 5, 2007 7:43 PM

heyy~~
thx for adding btw. :]
i'm JESSICA. ha x]

She doesn't talk that anymore, haha.
I'm glad I got to see her grow up to be such a good person.
I'll never forget our conversations,
the weirdest things we said to each other,
-----------------------------------------

Jul 5, 2007 8:05 PM

LMFAO! sonn, you are hilarious. xDD
oh man. haha.
i'm a nice toasty, golden almond brown tannish color. not frikkin zebra patterned like you!!
muahuwaha. x]]] jk.
you want me? haha.
this christian boy is just my friend. hah we like to joke around. :]
but don't you have a gf? xDDD

No I didn't Jessica! At least, not one that I intended on staying with if I can remember even dating back then.

Jul 5, 2007 8:17 PM

HAHA. i'm not jealous at all sir. ;D
i have a bf.
but i "do" so want you. xDDDDDD jk.

oh man. speaking of starbucks... uh, i LOVE starbucks. white chocolate mocha frapp for me. YEHHH~

hehe. lol. i live in washington.
not that far from you. puahuwaha.
i might go down to our vacation house down there soon though.

meet you at disneyland. :)
rofl. where in cali do you live at? xP
-----------------------------------------
HAH, You wish you were jk dear.
Our distance made my heart grow fonder for you, like the saying went..

The conversations went on for a long time,
And then. Something she said along our most randomest conversations.
I don't remember what I said to her,
but her comment led me into something that I believe would open up to be our beautiful and happy relationships together,

Jul 6, 2007 9:35 PM

awh. jeff.
how could i not want you?..

you're so amazing.
a truly rad guy fasho~

i'll always love you.
no matter what the circumstances are..
-----------------------------------------

It's been so long since I've heard those words been said to me.
Its been almost a year since that day where she promised me such words, and yet it feels like they've been forever drifted away into the passages of time.
She'll always love me. No matter what the circumstances are.

And she's held that close to her for all this time,
Whether it be when I was being an asshole.
Whether it be when I was pushing her away.

She always kept her promise true to me,
and I made myself promise also to her,
"I'll always be here for you no matter what happens to me"

And I still keep that promise to myself now. I really truly think that
I'm never going to stop holding up that promise.
High school. Before I know it. 11th grade.
Before I know it. I'm graduating college.
Before I know it. I'm going to be looking for a job, getting all ready for my first real job interview.
Before I know it. I'm going to have a kid.

Rewind..
My ups...

Jul 10, 2007 1:42 PM

jeffy. <333>-----------------------------------------

My downs...

Jul 17, 2007 10:07 PM

gosh. jeff.
why must you always put me hella down...
-----------------------------------------

AND THROUGH IT ALL, I CAN SAY I KEPT MY PROMISE.
Let me just take this time to ask you all,
especially the boys in relationships right now,

Are you guys treating your woman the way she should be treated?
Treat her FUCKING good.
I'm sorry that not all of you can have the fairy tale ending you all wanted,
but then you're just going to have to accept it and be happy for her,
keep her happy and continue you to be good to her no matter what happens.
She can have a new bf. A first fionce, a first HUSBAND.
But, she'll always have a place in her hearts for her,
As long as you know you can say you did her good in your time spent together.


As our time together started thinning out,
So did our patience.
I can say I lost her before,
She grew tired of me.

Jul 17, 2007 10:15 PM

i'm done w/ you.
leave me alone.
-----------------------------------------
But there still was reason enough to love her, and to continue to be here for her.
There are so many things that girls go through on a daily basis, that guys have no idea.
A guy can walk in and be like "heyyy baby <3" size="2">I'm going to miss our 9 hour long phone calls,
Our talks and webcamming on msn,
sneaking around, finding every opportunity we can to talk to each other,
just to see each other.

I guess this is just my last shot at trying to make things better,
an immediate reaction to the reality I faced today.

Jun 19, 2008 8:34 PM

youre erased from my life forever.
dont come back. because i sure as hell am not.
-----------------------------------------
To think, just exactly 17 days ago, 1 year ago,
She was telling me how she would not even dare think of anything less of me than being someone she totally admires, let alone..
Never coming back to my life.

Some of you will probably be telling me:

"There will be others"
True. But not like Jessica.

"You'll find better"
Who said I wanted better? Jessica was fine.

"You and her didn't match up"
I never said I was going to be her eternal soulmate, I just wanted a good friend. And there she was.

"Why do you care about her so much"
She gave me reasons beyond words and understanding to put here on this blog, just know that..
Deep down, theres truly never going to be another Jessica Kim that I admire like her.

I will find others, I will like them more than Jessica,
I will truly become happier.

But she has not been replaced, and will never leave my heart..
For truly..

I'm sorry my future gf's, signficant others, and wife.

But, I willingly have gave my heart to someone.
Jessica Kim has it. Let it be known publically, from the bottom of my heart..

I'll never forget you.
I titled this "A reminder to the lovers" Because not only is it to the truly strong couples,
that they should avoid all the mistakes I've gone through this roller coaster of a year or so and a half,
with her.

Don't be like me.
For those of you who are saying "I dont want to be hurt, I should let her go"
And all that,
total crap.

Fall and be hurt together, dont punish yourself
and let the other remain as though nothing happened,
it would make your sacrifice in vain.

If..somehow you're reading this,
I want you to know that. I'll still be here waiting for you.
Always will, always have been.

I love you.

I love you all.
-jeff

Dang,

I think lately I'm tripping out over nothing. I guess you can say that lately, I've been somewhat a bit of an asshole. I've been over my head in cockiness, flirting with every girl that comes my way, and getting into situations I don't think I can imagine myself ever being in looking back.

What happened to the church boy that always put school first before girls?
Sometimes I wish that girls were not so.. girly.

Maybe then I could've gotten my act together before I had to put put into
summer school.
SUM. MER. SCHOOL.


As in, school over the summer? When you're really off supposed to be having fun as much as possible before you let all that fun go for hxc work time? That summer. I guess I can say that lately, I've been playing around and messing up my future instead of buckling down and being serious about this. High school ain't a time to fuck around, and this is a bad place to do it now, not even a junior or senior yet. I'm a freakin' sophmore, and already I'm starting to crack.
I know this is going to sound like every other "teen high school drama crush", and I bet it is. The guy always says "oh I can't get her out of my mind" and then later on, boom he's off watching something he isn't supposted to be, or doing something that his parents wouldn't bear to see him do anyways.



Lately, I've been talking to this girl. Her name is ________. We haven't talked much, just a "hey whats up" "oh not much, you?" "haha!" "haha" sort of thing. She's DANNNNG CUTE. Like, one of those 'people that stand out in a group picture' type of looks! I know it sounds hella corny, because we've only been talking for like a few days. Me being my weirdo self, trying the most indirect ways of finally getting to communicate with her.

And, ugh! I'm so stupid. Saying the randomest stuff like, "ahahaha sooooo..the sky is blue" "ahaha, do you watch disney + pixar movies?" And all that! CMON, I'm BETTER THAN THAT!
At least come up with something that makes sense..

Continuing with my story. She's really cute, but I think she's interested in someone else. And idk if she's reading this or w/e, but how does she know that guy isn't just like everyone else? "but..he's different.." they might say. But, then again, everyone is, not every 'guys are all the same'..are the same. That isn't always a good thing, that's sometimes a bad thing. And, not trying to be hella possesive or anything, but I'm just saying. I think I can do a pretty good job of being a faithful and honest bf. I mean, crown me biggest flirt in the history of FOREVER,

But when I have a relationship, I'm serious and dedicated about that. And, being around so many girls, and having a little bit of their relationship stories spoken to me, I feel like I can kind of see whatevery kind of girl goes through, which I believe makes me a better candidate for a bf/gf, or just a friend/friend conversation with a girl when they need advice/venting. I guess all in all, I can say this blog was just a reminder to myself.

GET MY ACT TOGETHER.
LOSE THE BOOKS,
LOSE THE GIRL.
LOSE THE GIRL,
LOSE ANY OTHER FORM OF DETERMINATION FOR TRYING.

Let this also be a reminder to the guys.
I know how hard it is to keep your mind focused when theres a girl you're having a fatttttt crush on[trust me, i'm THERE already], but you have to try harder..for them, and yourself.

How are you going to pay the bills when you're 30-something, when your wife is about to leave with your kids because you're working at mcdonalds cause you never went to the college you wanted to go to cause you screwed around too much in your younger days?

McDonalds is starting to cut people from the employment, cause they're getting overemployed.
Try Starbucks, underachiever.

This isn't meant to discourage anyone, only saying...
Stop yourself from making mistakes while you can still make them better.

-jeff