Today was an off day for me.

Today I was thinking I was going to enjoy a day in the park!
Well I did,
Got to see everyone from camp again.
All the churches!
And then I saw someone else from camp,
I wasn't too stressed about it, but then
I kept getting calls from everyone!
They kept telling me to go shopping with them!
She said hi, but then I guess it was my fault the first time I was kinda blowing her off to talk to my friends on the phone who called me haha.

The whole day though I felt like my forehead was itching like crazy,
like. Not like, lice-status or anything eww! But like, it feels like its burning when I touch it,
Like it was a rash. I checked in the bathrooms[hecka clean] and my forehead really was red.
I poured ice water on it, but I think that might've made it worse LOL.

There was fresh grilled bbq stuff, but I threw it all up
Cause of my diet I've been keeping on,
+ my conditioning for my running,
messed up my knee during my workout the day before,
so I couldn't play basketball[and no shoes!]

I was totally blown off x10 by some girl.
Hecka after-party drama, but I guess we worked it out.
I'm going to make it up to her cause I guess I started the fight,
so yeahh. I'm hopefully going to give her her present at camp.
That is, if I even GO to camp.

My head still itches.

-jeff

2:07 in the morning.

Right now, I'm guessing you can all say I'm pretty miserable sounding right now.
I guess I can say I am,
But I wouldn't say I'm totally going to die, haha.

I've found ways to get my mind off it.
-Picnic later today! [get to see all my GFFC friends]
-Guitar it up
-Maybe get to call Gel

Hahaha, oh boy. That Angelic never calls me back.
It's okay, I know you're probably busy dear, it's all good.

I just want to apologize to you guys again for having to sit through and read my long ass vent/story/complaints blog from yesterday.

It really hit me, but I learned that I had to grow to get over it,
Suprisingly, my make-up teacher helped me realize that today,
Even though he's only our teacher until 10:00 every morning,
then our teacher teaches us.

He said something I really should start focusing on,
"You all are so fortunate to have the clothes on your backs, the food in your mouths, the water that you drink, and you don't have to worry about a thing, much less than the ones who gave you those things"

It made me realize. I have to thank my parents for every little thing they do.
If you guys ever read this, I'm sorry that I've probably been the most spoiled child in the world, and showing the most bratty spoiled brat attitude that's ever been dealt with.

I'm sorry I shut you guys out when I really should be telling you all about myself,
I'm sorry I can't connect to you guys as well as I used to.
I'm sorry that the little spelling-bee winning, straight a, favorite student kid you used to love having around disappeared, I really am sorry.

Angelic,
You're one of my true friends. We haven't talked as much as your other friends,
but I have to say, you're down to earth and I'm sorry if it seems like I put you down
because you don't have time for me. I should be apologizing to you, not you to me.
If its any consolation, I just want you to know that I totally love and appreciate you,
and that I hope I never lose you as a friend!

That doesn't mean you can stop calling me though, hahaha jk. Only if you want to.

I love you all
-jeff

A Reminder to the Love

Don't take the ones you love in vain.
Really.

I just learned that today, and boy, does it hurt a lot.
I happen to know a girl. Her name is Jessica. Jessica Kim.
And let me tell you something about Jessica Kim.
She's the greatest thing thats ever happened to me.
Nothing will ever be able to replace her.
For probably, a year and half, even though we've have on's and off's.
Nothing will ever replace her.
Jessica...fucking....Kim.

Where would I be without her? I'll tell you where.
Right now, Let's see.. I'm about to go into the 10th grade.
She's been with me since..probably the middle of 7th, 8th grade? Haha
I don't even really remember the true date. Time flies when you feel like you've known the person for so much longer.

We started talking on myspace.
Typical, right? How everyone gets their first friends from myspace.
No Life? Hahaha, you'd be suprised the friends you can truly make on myspace.
I honestly can say that she was my first friend.

I remember the first comment she sent me..

Jul 5, 2007 7:43 PM

heyy~~
thx for adding btw. :]
i'm JESSICA. ha x]

She doesn't talk that anymore, haha.
I'm glad I got to see her grow up to be such a good person.
I'll never forget our conversations,
the weirdest things we said to each other,
-----------------------------------------

Jul 5, 2007 8:05 PM

LMFAO! sonn, you are hilarious. xDD
oh man. haha.
i'm a nice toasty, golden almond brown tannish color. not frikkin zebra patterned like you!!
muahuwaha. x]]] jk.
you want me? haha.
this christian boy is just my friend. hah we like to joke around. :]
but don't you have a gf? xDDD

No I didn't Jessica! At least, not one that I intended on staying with if I can remember even dating back then.

Jul 5, 2007 8:17 PM

HAHA. i'm not jealous at all sir. ;D
i have a bf.
but i "do" so want you. xDDDDDD jk.

oh man. speaking of starbucks... uh, i LOVE starbucks. white chocolate mocha frapp for me. YEHHH~

hehe. lol. i live in washington.
not that far from you. puahuwaha.
i might go down to our vacation house down there soon though.

meet you at disneyland. :)
rofl. where in cali do you live at? xP
-----------------------------------------
HAH, You wish you were jk dear.
Our distance made my heart grow fonder for you, like the saying went..

The conversations went on for a long time,
And then. Something she said along our most randomest conversations.
I don't remember what I said to her,
but her comment led me into something that I believe would open up to be our beautiful and happy relationships together,

Jul 6, 2007 9:35 PM

awh. jeff.
how could i not want you?..

you're so amazing.
a truly rad guy fasho~

i'll always love you.
no matter what the circumstances are..
-----------------------------------------

It's been so long since I've heard those words been said to me.
Its been almost a year since that day where she promised me such words, and yet it feels like they've been forever drifted away into the passages of time.
She'll always love me. No matter what the circumstances are.

And she's held that close to her for all this time,
Whether it be when I was being an asshole.
Whether it be when I was pushing her away.

She always kept her promise true to me,
and I made myself promise also to her,
"I'll always be here for you no matter what happens to me"

And I still keep that promise to myself now. I really truly think that
I'm never going to stop holding up that promise.
High school. Before I know it. 11th grade.
Before I know it. I'm graduating college.
Before I know it. I'm going to be looking for a job, getting all ready for my first real job interview.
Before I know it. I'm going to have a kid.

Rewind..
My ups...

Jul 10, 2007 1:42 PM

jeffy. <333>-----------------------------------------

My downs...

Jul 17, 2007 10:07 PM

gosh. jeff.
why must you always put me hella down...
-----------------------------------------

AND THROUGH IT ALL, I CAN SAY I KEPT MY PROMISE.
Let me just take this time to ask you all,
especially the boys in relationships right now,

Are you guys treating your woman the way she should be treated?
Treat her FUCKING good.
I'm sorry that not all of you can have the fairy tale ending you all wanted,
but then you're just going to have to accept it and be happy for her,
keep her happy and continue you to be good to her no matter what happens.
She can have a new bf. A first fionce, a first HUSBAND.
But, she'll always have a place in her hearts for her,
As long as you know you can say you did her good in your time spent together.


As our time together started thinning out,
So did our patience.
I can say I lost her before,
She grew tired of me.

Jul 17, 2007 10:15 PM

i'm done w/ you.
leave me alone.
-----------------------------------------
But there still was reason enough to love her, and to continue to be here for her.
There are so many things that girls go through on a daily basis, that guys have no idea.
A guy can walk in and be like "heyyy baby <3" size="2">I'm going to miss our 9 hour long phone calls,
Our talks and webcamming on msn,
sneaking around, finding every opportunity we can to talk to each other,
just to see each other.

I guess this is just my last shot at trying to make things better,
an immediate reaction to the reality I faced today.

Jun 19, 2008 8:34 PM

youre erased from my life forever.
dont come back. because i sure as hell am not.
-----------------------------------------
To think, just exactly 17 days ago, 1 year ago,
She was telling me how she would not even dare think of anything less of me than being someone she totally admires, let alone..
Never coming back to my life.

Some of you will probably be telling me:

"There will be others"
True. But not like Jessica.

"You'll find better"
Who said I wanted better? Jessica was fine.

"You and her didn't match up"
I never said I was going to be her eternal soulmate, I just wanted a good friend. And there she was.

"Why do you care about her so much"
She gave me reasons beyond words and understanding to put here on this blog, just know that..
Deep down, theres truly never going to be another Jessica Kim that I admire like her.

I will find others, I will like them more than Jessica,
I will truly become happier.

But she has not been replaced, and will never leave my heart..
For truly..

I'm sorry my future gf's, signficant others, and wife.

But, I willingly have gave my heart to someone.
Jessica Kim has it. Let it be known publically, from the bottom of my heart..

I'll never forget you.
I titled this "A reminder to the lovers" Because not only is it to the truly strong couples,
that they should avoid all the mistakes I've gone through this roller coaster of a year or so and a half,
with her.

Don't be like me.
For those of you who are saying "I dont want to be hurt, I should let her go"
And all that,
total crap.

Fall and be hurt together, dont punish yourself
and let the other remain as though nothing happened,
it would make your sacrifice in vain.

If..somehow you're reading this,
I want you to know that. I'll still be here waiting for you.
Always will, always have been.

I love you.

I love you all.
-jeff

Dang,

I think lately I'm tripping out over nothing. I guess you can say that lately, I've been somewhat a bit of an asshole. I've been over my head in cockiness, flirting with every girl that comes my way, and getting into situations I don't think I can imagine myself ever being in looking back.

What happened to the church boy that always put school first before girls?
Sometimes I wish that girls were not so.. girly.

Maybe then I could've gotten my act together before I had to put put into
summer school.
SUM. MER. SCHOOL.


As in, school over the summer? When you're really off supposed to be having fun as much as possible before you let all that fun go for hxc work time? That summer. I guess I can say that lately, I've been playing around and messing up my future instead of buckling down and being serious about this. High school ain't a time to fuck around, and this is a bad place to do it now, not even a junior or senior yet. I'm a freakin' sophmore, and already I'm starting to crack.
I know this is going to sound like every other "teen high school drama crush", and I bet it is. The guy always says "oh I can't get her out of my mind" and then later on, boom he's off watching something he isn't supposted to be, or doing something that his parents wouldn't bear to see him do anyways.



Lately, I've been talking to this girl. Her name is ________. We haven't talked much, just a "hey whats up" "oh not much, you?" "haha!" "haha" sort of thing. She's DANNNNG CUTE. Like, one of those 'people that stand out in a group picture' type of looks! I know it sounds hella corny, because we've only been talking for like a few days. Me being my weirdo self, trying the most indirect ways of finally getting to communicate with her.

And, ugh! I'm so stupid. Saying the randomest stuff like, "ahahaha sooooo..the sky is blue" "ahaha, do you watch disney + pixar movies?" And all that! CMON, I'm BETTER THAN THAT!
At least come up with something that makes sense..

Continuing with my story. She's really cute, but I think she's interested in someone else. And idk if she's reading this or w/e, but how does she know that guy isn't just like everyone else? "but..he's different.." they might say. But, then again, everyone is, not every 'guys are all the same'..are the same. That isn't always a good thing, that's sometimes a bad thing. And, not trying to be hella possesive or anything, but I'm just saying. I think I can do a pretty good job of being a faithful and honest bf. I mean, crown me biggest flirt in the history of FOREVER,

But when I have a relationship, I'm serious and dedicated about that. And, being around so many girls, and having a little bit of their relationship stories spoken to me, I feel like I can kind of see whatevery kind of girl goes through, which I believe makes me a better candidate for a bf/gf, or just a friend/friend conversation with a girl when they need advice/venting. I guess all in all, I can say this blog was just a reminder to myself.

GET MY ACT TOGETHER.
LOSE THE BOOKS,
LOSE THE GIRL.
LOSE THE GIRL,
LOSE ANY OTHER FORM OF DETERMINATION FOR TRYING.

Let this also be a reminder to the guys.
I know how hard it is to keep your mind focused when theres a girl you're having a fatttttt crush on[trust me, i'm THERE already], but you have to try harder..for them, and yourself.

How are you going to pay the bills when you're 30-something, when your wife is about to leave with your kids because you're working at mcdonalds cause you never went to the college you wanted to go to cause you screwed around too much in your younger days?

McDonalds is starting to cut people from the employment, cause they're getting overemployed.
Try Starbucks, underachiever.

This isn't meant to discourage anyone, only saying...
Stop yourself from making mistakes while you can still make them better.

-jeff