Today was a slooooowwww day,
Waste of a Saturday.
I thought I was getting a haircut,
mom decided to go out shopping instead -_- Smh.
Oh well, I guess it can wait another week or so.
Lately,
I've been feeling really content with myself,
but not satisfied..?
I confuse myself.
I talked to Debby for an hour 30 minutes straight today,
"Yeee im juzz chillin wif mah homiez" LOLOL.
Of course, talking to Debby also makes me miss Amy too,
where are you?! You haven't talked to me in weeks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0BAssXgeHs
That video makes me tear up each time, no homo.
It has a deeper meaning to it, the message is sweet.
The guy meets a girl by chance as he is taking pictures in the park,
she ends up being in his shot.
She apologizes and runs off.
Going to her workplace as a hair stylist assistant[?], she meets the man again
and, just as if fate intended it, they reunite again.
They start hitting it off and become a very cute and happy couple,
then things start to get serious..
One day, the girl goes through the man's studio and looks around at pictures,
and by accident, she spills the negative solution into her eyes, and she gets rushed to
the hospital, she goes blind.
The guy, frustrated, has to make one of the hardest choices of his life..
....
It goes to the operating room, the man and girl are soon together holding hands..
The man closes his eyes for one last time before going under the knife..
We see the girl awaken with her eyes perfectly fine, getting used to them
after being bandaged for a long time,
going back to the race track she went to with the man not too long ago,
where we see him with sunglasses on, sitting by himself. The girl then realizes what had happened,
then starts to break down and cry.
The man, not realizing himself that anyone was there, just walks past her.
THE POINT OF ALL THIS?
It's a lesson to be learned, a stupid one to some, a very meaningful one to others.
It shows us that we have to be willing to do whatever it is for the person we truly love.
Now, I'm not telling you to go and donate your major organs to your significant other,
but have the self respect and compassion for your lover to take a few hits to the balls for them.
People always coming to me for advice on how they can keep up with their relationship with their gf's or bf's, and they worry about the future.. can't you just look to the present and enjoy what happens now? You need to be willing to take all the slaps and punches and heavy blows that people throw at you when you believe you found a person you want to stay with.
No matter what race, color, height, sex, weight, culture we are, we can all agree that we need someone else to complete us. In my opinion, it takes a lot of guts to say that you would do that kind of stuff for another person, but hey, when you're in love, you do all sorts of crazy things.
Even when you have to wait for that person all day just to even get a chance to talk
Even when you stay up till 2am or later for a reply or text back
Even when you think they left you hanging but you still hang on anyways
Even when you feel you aren't good enough for that person
Even when you shouldn't even try to wait for them anymore
You continue to pull and go through, and why?
You're in love. It's all sentimentals and cutesy movie and tv show nonsense,
until you experience it yourself.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
Your first kiss doesn't have to be on the balcony of some giant golden mansion,
it can be in the mall parking lot.
Your first date doesn't have to be dinner at a high end restauraunt with a 3-month
reservation just to even get a table for 2 in,
it can be In-n-out burger and fries.
Love is beautiful in all shapes and forms,
and regardless of whether or not people approve of you or not,
if you and your other are happy, then so be it.
I just want YOU to know, that this blog was kind of inspired by you.
Thank you for always showing me kindness even though I don't give you
any sometimes, for learning to see past my mistakes and struggles and
constantly pushing you away.
I know this is hard, distance makes it even more challenging.
But when I see you, I promise you I'll make all these conversations
have meant something.
<3
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Back to the old grind
Going to start updating with picture blogs again,
Its been a while since I did a shoot.
Today was mad boring.
Knocked out after school,
Woke up to the smell of Pizza Hut's Tuscani pasta.
That ish is tasty.
I miss cousins Jonah, Moreah, and Bella!
Freakin' Uncle Wayne be influencing them though.
Sa'll good.
Getting a haircut tomorrow, pics if it doesn't turn out crappy[its my mom's hairstylist -_-]
K, LATE!
Its been a while since I did a shoot.
Today was mad boring.
Knocked out after school,
Woke up to the smell of Pizza Hut's Tuscani pasta.
That ish is tasty.
I miss cousins Jonah, Moreah, and Bella!
Freakin' Uncle Wayne be influencing them though.
Sa'll good.
Getting a haircut tomorrow, pics if it doesn't turn out crappy[its my mom's hairstylist -_-]
K, LATE!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
To a certain someone..
Thanks. <3
For calling.
For making my day,
for making my night.
It was short,
and I sounded like a retard,
but I appreciated that you smiled
and giggled just like the girl I first met.
Thank you!
I'm so happy you're back in my life,
and now I don't have to spend my nights
writing another sad love song.
For calling.
For making my day,
for making my night.
It was short,
and I sounded like a retard,
but I appreciated that you smiled
and giggled just like the girl I first met.
Thank you!
I'm so happy you're back in my life,
and now I don't have to spend my nights
writing another sad love song.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
So listen.
To a certain someone,
Hey, how are you? I hope you're doing fine.
I just wanted to say thanks for
totally like making me feel different and weird all the time.
I doubt you consistently read through my blogs anyways, but..
I try to reach out and get you to notice me, but I always
feel stupid afterwards! I'm pretty sure you're not busy
or doing something every single time I contact you,
so don't go off and tell me!
I understand you are busy at times and you can't always
reply right away, but if I IM at 3pm and wait, IM at 7pm and wait,
till 5..6 in the morning
and no reply back, I'll think somethings wrong.
Is it me? I just want to talk,
I miss how we used to be close.
I just want to be your friend.
Let me show you how much I care about you,
Open up to me! Don't be so afraid to
talk to me. You never call anymore, you never text.
I'll do my part and try to leave you voicemails on updates with me
when I can, but it only works if we see each other halfway.
I might be whining, or thinking negative, or w/e you want to call it,
but this is what I notice with us. I don't try to bring it up, nor put it down,
but I at least expect that you respected me enough to show me
that you weren't interested in even having a conversation in the first place.
Show me enough fairness that you're willing to give me a no.
You were, and still are my Angel.
Hey, how are you? I hope you're doing fine.
I just wanted to say thanks for
totally like making me feel different and weird all the time.
I doubt you consistently read through my blogs anyways, but..
I try to reach out and get you to notice me, but I always
feel stupid afterwards! I'm pretty sure you're not busy
or doing something every single time I contact you,
so don't go off and tell me!
I understand you are busy at times and you can't always
reply right away, but if I IM at 3pm and wait, IM at 7pm and wait,
till 5..6 in the morning
and no reply back, I'll think somethings wrong.
Is it me? I just want to talk,
I miss how we used to be close.
I just want to be your friend.
Let me show you how much I care about you,
Open up to me! Don't be so afraid to
talk to me. You never call anymore, you never text.
I'll do my part and try to leave you voicemails on updates with me
when I can, but it only works if we see each other halfway.
I might be whining, or thinking negative, or w/e you want to call it,
but this is what I notice with us. I don't try to bring it up, nor put it down,
but I at least expect that you respected me enough to show me
that you weren't interested in even having a conversation in the first place.
Show me enough fairness that you're willing to give me a no.
You were, and still are my Angel.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
A promise.
So I got yelled at by my mom, again, because apparently I wasn't showing my dad respect because I just said "yeah..." but in a weird voice because I was tired from track practice. He takes it that I'm saying it in an annoyed voice, so he storms out and slams the door, totally disregarding what he was doing beforehand. My mom starts asking me all these questions..
"When are you going to change?"
"Why are you like this?"
"How come other parents at my work don't deal with this?"
It's because they don't have some kid who has all this BS to go through, their life is totally fine and happy; They're always expecting perfect grades, perfect remarks, perfect personality; They even tell us, "you dont have to get it, but try your best". However, I prove this wrong because despite all the stuff I go through, I still try my best. Because I know how much school is important right now, and because I know how badly grades are, yet they toss it away and start comparing me to other people again. "Why can't you be like -insert cousin here.-?" or, "Why can't you be more like -insert coworker's child here-?" and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for them.
I hate how everytime I think I'm actually maturing and growing up, it turns out I'm turning more immature and self centered. I always said to myself "I'm going to do work and roll in success!" but now it seems like in the pursuit of that, I totally pushed away what really does mean the most to me, whether I want to admit it or not.
My brother, damn. He's the nicest person I have met in all my life; he would go risk life and limb just to prove to me that he's still there for me, and he's only 8. He's really scared of me actually, thinking I'm intimidating, because I'm always pissed or really moody whenever he comes near me; Its not a matter of I get annoyed by him, but its that everytime he does come by I still feel angry about something else.
"oh, no its okay, i'll save some for my brother"
"Mom, lets buy one for him"
"can we get a few for my brother?"
all things that I hear him say! I don't tell him to do any of it, he does it on his own will, not even having mom or dad tell him too. Even if he's scared, he still has more balls than me, by going into my room, saying "here, this is for you" and leaving; I don't even give him anything else back in return, but screams and shouts and "when you gonna get in shape?"
Dad works hard, from 3am-12noon, here I am, acting like "w/e" around him, just because I'm a little sore. He moved the whole family from overseas just to get married raise a family and be successful; he didn't go thousands of miles to have some teenage kid in his own home practically kicking him out because he "is not feeling well".
Mom too, she does the talking for my dad, saying everything that dad could've and should've told me, but he doesn't; because he's already too upset and ashamed about me.
At family parties, ahaha they only see my parents and brother, not me.
I take my anger out on my family when all I have to blame is myself,
I go through constant struggles mentally and physically pushing the limits of who I am.
Physically, I'm training to become a strong and good athelete,
Mentally, I'm training to become successful and have good grades and transcripts,
Spiritually, I'm training to become humble and have peace of mind.
I have many friends who I need to be thankful for, shoutouts include:
Ashley, for caring; Thank you for being so supportive and knowing exactly what I need, truly you are someone who is a giant help to me and my future growth.
Jessica, for believing: I know you live far, far away from here, and through all that you still continue to show me that you have faith in me, thank you.
Nikki, for understanding: I may be the most annoying person on the planet, I always apologize, but yet you still pull through at the end and decide that you still want me around :]
Julie, for tolerating: You know exactly how I am, and you don't know why you have to deal with it all, but to honest; I need you to know how things are for me, and just know that nothing changes despite what is told to you
The promise is, that I need to show myself that I will become the person I always dreamed of. When I was in 1st grade, I wanted to be someone with a great job and a wonderful family and live everything to its full extent. Everything happens for a reason, and nothing is just coincidence. This was the finaly straw, for all of us. My family, my friends, me. I know whats at stake if I lose out this one final time. This is my final mark! School, my social status, my faith, my loves..
NONE of it will change without me going full blast starting now.
I have to make a promise. To them, to myself, to Him, to her.
1/7/09, 8:57 end time. Time to do work son. Real talk.
"When are you going to change?"
"Why are you like this?"
"How come other parents at my work don't deal with this?"
It's because they don't have some kid who has all this BS to go through, their life is totally fine and happy; They're always expecting perfect grades, perfect remarks, perfect personality; They even tell us, "you dont have to get it, but try your best". However, I prove this wrong because despite all the stuff I go through, I still try my best. Because I know how much school is important right now, and because I know how badly grades are, yet they toss it away and start comparing me to other people again. "Why can't you be like -insert cousin here.-?" or, "Why can't you be more like -insert coworker's child here-?" and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for them.
I hate how everytime I think I'm actually maturing and growing up, it turns out I'm turning more immature and self centered. I always said to myself "I'm going to do work and roll in success!" but now it seems like in the pursuit of that, I totally pushed away what really does mean the most to me, whether I want to admit it or not.
My brother, damn. He's the nicest person I have met in all my life; he would go risk life and limb just to prove to me that he's still there for me, and he's only 8. He's really scared of me actually, thinking I'm intimidating, because I'm always pissed or really moody whenever he comes near me; Its not a matter of I get annoyed by him, but its that everytime he does come by I still feel angry about something else.
"oh, no its okay, i'll save some for my brother"
"Mom, lets buy one for him"
"can we get a few for my brother?"
all things that I hear him say! I don't tell him to do any of it, he does it on his own will, not even having mom or dad tell him too. Even if he's scared, he still has more balls than me, by going into my room, saying "here, this is for you" and leaving; I don't even give him anything else back in return, but screams and shouts and "when you gonna get in shape?"
Dad works hard, from 3am-12noon, here I am, acting like "w/e" around him, just because I'm a little sore. He moved the whole family from overseas just to get married raise a family and be successful; he didn't go thousands of miles to have some teenage kid in his own home practically kicking him out because he "is not feeling well".
Mom too, she does the talking for my dad, saying everything that dad could've and should've told me, but he doesn't; because he's already too upset and ashamed about me.
At family parties, ahaha they only see my parents and brother, not me.
I take my anger out on my family when all I have to blame is myself,
I go through constant struggles mentally and physically pushing the limits of who I am.
Physically, I'm training to become a strong and good athelete,
Mentally, I'm training to become successful and have good grades and transcripts,
Spiritually, I'm training to become humble and have peace of mind.
I have many friends who I need to be thankful for, shoutouts include:
Ashley, for caring; Thank you for being so supportive and knowing exactly what I need, truly you are someone who is a giant help to me and my future growth.
Jessica, for believing: I know you live far, far away from here, and through all that you still continue to show me that you have faith in me, thank you.
Nikki, for understanding: I may be the most annoying person on the planet, I always apologize, but yet you still pull through at the end and decide that you still want me around :]
Julie, for tolerating: You know exactly how I am, and you don't know why you have to deal with it all, but to honest; I need you to know how things are for me, and just know that nothing changes despite what is told to you
The promise is, that I need to show myself that I will become the person I always dreamed of. When I was in 1st grade, I wanted to be someone with a great job and a wonderful family and live everything to its full extent. Everything happens for a reason, and nothing is just coincidence. This was the finaly straw, for all of us. My family, my friends, me. I know whats at stake if I lose out this one final time. This is my final mark! School, my social status, my faith, my loves..
NONE of it will change without me going full blast starting now.
I have to make a promise. To them, to myself, to Him, to her.
1/7/09, 8:57 end time. Time to do work son. Real talk.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
New Years Resolutions x Me
2009. This ain't a year for games no more. There will be fun times, but real talk: I gotta do some hard work this year.
2007 and 2008 were pretty chill years for me, but 2009 is going to be a big impact on my life. I just know it.
I have some resolutions I'm down to complete before 2010 is here...
SCHOOL-
-Get all my grades B's and higher, and KEEP IT.
-Become more active in my clubs:
-Key Club: More hours, More service
-Kababayan: [hopefully] become officer, More points
-4 Elements: Expand in my knowledge.
-Get serious about Track:
-Running: Weekends in the morning @ Lake Cunningham
-Training: Leg Muscle Workouts
-Diet: No more junk food, high oily foods, sweets
-Make new friends
-Make sure I pass all my classes
-Use the summer to get ahead[enrichment, adv. tutoring, ect]
-Earn respect from teachers
-No more fronting.
PLAY-
Get crazy ish for my camera:
-Obtain 18-135mm lens
-Obtain 55-200mm lens
-Obtain SB-600 Speedlight
-Take professional photography classes w/uncle
-Upgrade Flickr account
Expand my musicality:
-Learn how to play piano well
-Learn how to play flute again,
-Get a condenser mic for recordings
-Make a youtube/myspace account?
-Get a new Ukulele
-Get an acoustic/electric guitar + amp
Chill with my homegirls:
-Nikki: Beach?
-Ashley: Mall <3
-Julie: Eastridge.
-Kimkim: We're going to get shoes
-Bestfriend!: Tribes/PCN?
WE'RE ALL TAKING PICTURES TOGETHER W/MY NIKON. THX.
ISS-
Finish my retirement list(doubt it):
Vans
-DQM Chukkas [9-9.5]
-HUF 3 Feet High Chukkas [9-9.5]
-White Bulletproof Half Cab [9-9.5]
-Gray Bulletproof Half Cab [9-9.5]
-Black Bulletproof Half Cab [9-9.5]
-Teal Half Cab [9-9.5]
-Purple Half Cab [9-9.5]
Nike SB/Other Nike
-Homeguns [9-9.5]
-Jpacks [9-9.5]
-Vamps [9-9.5]
-Black Denim High [9-9.5]
-NON PL Purple Avengers [9-9.5]
-Pushheads [9-9.5]
-Unkles [9-9.5]
-Sharks [9-9.5]
-Lodens [9-9.5]
-Flashes [9-9.5]
-Red Toe Bisons [9-9.5]
-Hawaiis [9-9.5]
-co.jp Argons [9-9.5]
-co.jp Michigans [9-9.5]
-co.jp Sambas [9-9.5]
Jordan
-Black/Gold 1 [9-9.5]
-Metallic 1 [9-9.5]
-CDP 3 [9-9.5]
-Steel Grey 10 [9-9.5]
-Icy Blue 10 [9-9.5]
-Red/Grey 10 [9-9.5]
-Mars 4 [9-9.5]
-CDP 4 [9-9.5]
~Get 50+ feedback by the end of the year.
~Get into a usergroup.
~Become active member in Official Relationships Thread.
~Hit 2000+ posts.
ECT-
-reach out to someone
-Study the book of Ephesians again
-bring a friend to youth hour/camp/youth rally/ect
-give someone else the love of Christ
-take notes on what I read in the bible
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This year is going to be crazy, and filled with tons of challenges. This list is just an outline, there will be plenty of other details along with it too, but this is pretty much what will make my year a good one.
2007 and 2008 were pretty chill years for me, but 2009 is going to be a big impact on my life. I just know it.
I have some resolutions I'm down to complete before 2010 is here...
SCHOOL-
-Get all my grades B's and higher, and KEEP IT.
-Become more active in my clubs:
-Key Club: More hours, More service
-Kababayan: [hopefully] become officer, More points
-4 Elements: Expand in my knowledge.
-Get serious about Track:
-Running: Weekends in the morning @ Lake Cunningham
-Training: Leg Muscle Workouts
-Diet: No more junk food, high oily foods, sweets
-Make new friends
-Make sure I pass all my classes
-Use the summer to get ahead[enrichment, adv. tutoring, ect]
-Earn respect from teachers
-No more fronting.
PLAY-
Get crazy ish for my camera:
-Obtain 18-135mm lens
-Obtain 55-200mm lens
-Obtain SB-600 Speedlight
-Take professional photography classes w/uncle
-Upgrade Flickr account
Expand my musicality:
-Learn how to play piano well
-Learn how to play flute again,
-Get a condenser mic for recordings
-Make a youtube/myspace account?
-Get a new Ukulele
-Get an acoustic/electric guitar + amp
Chill with my homegirls:
-Nikki: Beach?
-Ashley: Mall <3
-Julie: Eastridge.
-Kimkim: We're going to get shoes
-Bestfriend!: Tribes/PCN?
WE'RE ALL TAKING PICTURES TOGETHER W/MY NIKON. THX.
ISS-
Finish my retirement list(doubt it):
Vans
-DQM Chukkas [9-9.5]
-HUF 3 Feet High Chukkas [9-9.5]
-White Bulletproof Half Cab [9-9.5]
-Gray Bulletproof Half Cab [9-9.5]
-Black Bulletproof Half Cab [9-9.5]
-Teal Half Cab [9-9.5]
-Purple Half Cab [9-9.5]
Nike SB/Other Nike
-Homeguns [9-9.5]
-Jpacks [9-9.5]
-Vamps [9-9.5]
-Black Denim High [9-9.5]
-NON PL Purple Avengers [9-9.5]
-Pushheads [9-9.5]
-Unkles [9-9.5]
-Sharks [9-9.5]
-Lodens [9-9.5]
-Flashes [9-9.5]
-Red Toe Bisons [9-9.5]
-Hawaiis [9-9.5]
-co.jp Argons [9-9.5]
-co.jp Michigans [9-9.5]
-co.jp Sambas [9-9.5]
Jordan
-Black/Gold 1 [9-9.5]
-Metallic 1 [9-9.5]
-CDP 3 [9-9.5]
-Steel Grey 10 [9-9.5]
-Icy Blue 10 [9-9.5]
-Red/Grey 10 [9-9.5]
-Mars 4 [9-9.5]
-CDP 4 [9-9.5]
~Get 50+ feedback by the end of the year.
~Get into a usergroup.
~Become active member in Official Relationships Thread.
~Hit 2000+ posts.
ECT-
-reach out to someone
-Study the book of Ephesians again
-bring a friend to youth hour/camp/youth rally/ect
-give someone else the love of Christ
-take notes on what I read in the bible
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This year is going to be crazy, and filled with tons of challenges. This list is just an outline, there will be plenty of other details along with it too, but this is pretty much what will make my year a good one.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Tsunami x New Years
Tsunami this year was really good. I had a lot of fun despite its short duration of time. I was touched by each of the concerts and messages being presented. My hot topics I went to, where I got to choose what I learned about, were good too.
"How Low Will You Go 4 God": I learned that I need to act boldly, and if I don't have the right technique and perseverance then I will not be able to go 'low enough' to get past the limbo stick of this walk with Christ.
"Don't Sweat It; Let it Go": An important one for me, I was constantly worrying about what would happen next, what would be in store for me next; In this hot topic, I learned that I should pray and make sure that what I do should be done with confidence it is all planned out to be just the way it is. I'll make sure that I apply it.
"How to Be A Man": I learned that as the man of the family, I would need to collaborate with my wife, and that I should know when I should admit I'm wrong, and that I'm not perfect. However, as the husband, father, and man of the house I should know when we can't come to an agreement that I have the final call and should make the decision best for my loved ones. I KNOW I'll apply this.
Tsunami was just more than a 3-day vacation for me in the big city; It was a way to get spiritually in check with myself and to get myself refreshed for real! 2009 is going to be bigger and harder to get through than 2008, and I know that this will last way longer than the actual trip itself was.
Tsunami ftw.
"How Low Will You Go 4 God": I learned that I need to act boldly, and if I don't have the right technique and perseverance then I will not be able to go 'low enough' to get past the limbo stick of this walk with Christ.
"Don't Sweat It; Let it Go": An important one for me, I was constantly worrying about what would happen next, what would be in store for me next; In this hot topic, I learned that I should pray and make sure that what I do should be done with confidence it is all planned out to be just the way it is. I'll make sure that I apply it.
"How to Be A Man": I learned that as the man of the family, I would need to collaborate with my wife, and that I should know when I should admit I'm wrong, and that I'm not perfect. However, as the husband, father, and man of the house I should know when we can't come to an agreement that I have the final call and should make the decision best for my loved ones. I KNOW I'll apply this.
Tsunami was just more than a 3-day vacation for me in the big city; It was a way to get spiritually in check with myself and to get myself refreshed for real! 2009 is going to be bigger and harder to get through than 2008, and I know that this will last way longer than the actual trip itself was.
Tsunami ftw.
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